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Business

Kevin Costner Abandons ‘Crooked’ Democrats, Pledges $10 million to Trump Campaign

The scene Democrats are making about a report that totally exonerates the President of any wrongdoing is too much for Kevin Costner. According to his long-time agent, Art Tubolls, Costner is abandoning the Democrat party and will join team Trump for the 2020 election:

“Kevin is tired of the lies. The Mueller Report is plain as day. Hillary Clinton needs to be investigated and Trump is completely innocent of everything but being a great president. Kevin will be switching his party affiliation to Republican and backing Donald Trump. He is pledging the same $10 million he was going to give to the Democrat frontrunner.”

The White House says it is grateful to have Mr. Costner on its team:

“Mr. Costner has experience in many areas that could be helpful. He knows the Postal system inside and out, has lobbied for the poor, and he is an excellent swimmer. That and his generous donation will make for an exciting addition to our team.”

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Costner hasn’t released a statement publicly, but one of his best friends, Actor Laurence Fishburne, says that Costner is just the tip of the iceberg and that there will be many to follow:

“What we need to do now is get the GOP to understand some of the issues facing lower-income Americans so we can really make some changes. In order to get some of us Democrats to come over comfortably, we’ll still need access to weed and abortion. Those are deal-breakers.”

Typical. Even when they defect they can’t get it right. That’s okay. Just being a Republican allows you to bask in God’s light, as we are his chosen people, as evidenced by our great and fearless leader, Donald Trump. It’s a great time to be an American and an even better time to be a Republican.

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